04.20.2021
I wrote this post on April 14, 2021, six days ago; thoughts I already had been meaning to share for a while, but between dealing with life, feelings, and the weight of it all, I kept postponing.
Today marks three years since Tim’s untimely passing. To me it is more than one day where the weight of not having him around affects me; without overexplaining myself, after finding out about his death, since, I have had other things happen, triggering moments of awakening, and in the process of, missing him and wishing he was here.
Still, through the months of finding myself, and the difficulties that have come along, I have kept myself focused on a better message, on finding my most positive version, not as to pleasantries of what feels good, but as in the person I am meant to be by design, not matter the circumstance.
Besides the focus on myself, there is also my attempt to keep up with my art, philosophy, etc. as well as my spiritual practice, for which is detached of been online, doing art, writing or not.
It is painful to not have someone special around. Worse when it is in such harsh manner they are taken. Regardless of pain, anger, disdain, despair, etc. One thing moves us to the other side of the hurt, and that’s inner strength.
Whatever happens after death is one thing, the present and the ability to be and stay pushing on, it is an opportunity.
Like all things on the spectrum of reality, different and not, all interconnect; all is meant to serve a purpose by design, even just by its ability to simply exist.
Ironically, it is the human ego that complicates life and its meaning.
Begets many questions over the claiming of knowledge and freewill.
There is an act of balancing that is ongoing and with no ending – transformative; the meaning of life itself is that it is a journey of transformation.
Our best version manifests through our purposeful approach to living. Not as to an end goal, a destination, or a grand moment, but as part of the person and the exchange with others all through the process of life.
Not that we do not feel pain, anger, rage, hurt, sadness, broken, deceive ourselves, etc. but, as the feelings come, if we face the person we are as we are, not to act on spur of a moment to regret, but in the thought process of how all things affect us, others, and the future even, we are far more likely to make the best selections, both temporarily like with how we react and manage our emotions, to long term, how from worn and thorn mentality/ situations transform to a master of our reality.
In the sense of situations that become problems outside our ability to object, not matter the outcome, living our lives to our truest and purest intention shall yield only the most refined aspects forth; this is the person we build and experience through life, and this determines the kind of imprint we leave after our time has concluded.
~AP~
——————————————————————————————————
As a spiritual person, the messages from above are something I am always trying to tune to. I thought to share some of the lovely alignments the universe has placed over the last few years to show me that not matter the harshness of reality, true love prevails in time, against all odds.
For the images and video attached there is a spiritual and emotional alignment to them with all the shared on this post.
.。・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜・。..☆・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜゜・。.
Tree Bark Heart
03.13.2021
Months ago as I walked with my son after sunset on a cold night, I was thinking of Tim and how I wanted a sign for how I feel from the universe, to understand and know better all the things I have been experiencing.
As I thought of how much I wished he was here, I looked up and saw this tree, up high, the bark on the tree shaped like a heart.
At that moment I felt so moved.
There have been a lot of bird and hawk encounters also, and on land wolves, including walking next to them, and seeing them again with them remembering me.
Those who have followed my posts for years know how much I also have done the wolf theme on my art and philosophy.
.。・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜・。..☆・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜゜・。.
Parrot T Bird
07.24.2019
https://www.instagram.com/p/B1cuwCGJTaF/?igshid=1af7nhkd0wjqm
The large blue bird with its wings open on a T like shape happened a few years back. It wasn’t a show, and it wasn’t instructed to behave the way it was either. Back then already already spiritually invested, I wasn’t as aware as I am at present of my reality, and this birdie and others were very sweet and attentive to me as other people lined up to take pictures with other birds that had trainers instead. The blue and red shaded bird formed a letter T, and another of yellow and blue shades, formed an A which I posted to my photography account {@0pendragon} back in 2019.
.。・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜・。..☆・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜゜・。.
Sterling Bird Singing Inside My Apartment
03.09.2021
03.15.2021
.
By far one of my favorites non human, spiritual experiences of 2021 so far, is the bird singing inside my apartment; it happened twice.
The first time I was so taken by such an experience, that I simply wasn’t able to capture more than a simple picture with a low quality camera on a tablet I had nearby, before my lovely friend flew away.
A memory of it was my main focus on the thought of capturing the moment on a video or photo, but as with anything spiritual, it still meant so much to me, and at that moment the tears were of joy in spite of the emotional pain I have been feeling.
I was shown by the universe in the most pure, unaltered manner that love is still a part of my soul, even if the person I love isn’t in his body right now.
The second visit from this beauty is when I got the long video. These birds are also a breed I had not seen around the area, though I’ve been documenting birdies for years. It shined so beautifully in the sun light, reminding me of love and the phoenix that rises from the ashes; infinite sustenance.
The second encounter made me feel that not only there are miracles/magic all over us, but that true love is infinite, surpassing every roadblock and distance, even that of mortality.?
.。・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜・。..☆・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜゜・。.
——————————————————————————————————
04.14.2021
I miss Tim, though we didn’t spend time together. It’s been a harsh process to see the truth on my own too. The synchronicities and alignment beyond human interference is how I found the things I have, never driven by anything beyond my spiritual integrity, and love for knowledge of course.
I have posted overtime on my philosophical and spiritual shares, about the spiritual and unknown seen from multiple angles, adding my own situations in life as part of my arrow guiding the way of my path, rather than craft, religion, atheism, gnosticism, gurus, books, outdated beliefs, etc. dictating my spiritual experience. That has not been my personal life path, and that is for myself to master the person by blueprint I am meant to be in time; each person has their own journey.
Having multiple death experiences has too been a key aspect to my awakening. It’s not to be confused with the pursue of self harm or that of others, but life circumstances outside the self.
As already said, everyone has a path to pursue, and I understand that. I used to be focused on the wrong aspects of faith when younger, and have gone through the denial of it as well.
Faith is separate from practice and doctrine, though; and practice is meant to form a bridge so faith and been alive with freewill are balanced; things like religion, doctrine, cults frequently instill belief systems often based on fear, and the pursue of ephemeral ladders of spilled blood, unfortunately.
Like all things of value, the occult, unknown, and the human thirst for filling the void of awareness of something not physical, yet tangible to the senses, is misrepresented and often misused by those driven by greed, under every possible label in the world, with the goal to control others and their experiences.
My posts have always been out of my meditations and personal practices, detached and uninterested of trying to see what everyone is doing, what is trending, to please people for likes, or generating income; not because I don’t deserve or need certain things, but because the value of some things has to be be above even our own needs sometimes, the truth and the purity of life purpose and meaning been one of those.
I was also unaware of just how much others experience from my shared thoughts, the art, and even the twining of art with others’ art over the years digitally, as I never saw myself on the light of been admired.
I see this admiration as a responsibility too, and having the ability to move society from pain to hope is a power that has manifested through overcoming and surviving gruesome experiences by injustice in the world, selecting to be a better person over a bitter one each step of the path of course.
The life I have been given is not an easy road to experience, and my sharing with others is not with an aim to be studied or copied, but to share a message of potential transformation through my survival story, so it is understood. To acknowledge the messenger and to accept the message as a source of knowledge, is the path to be transformed.
Jesus’ verse of “verily I tell you that a man cannot see the kingdom of heaven unless he was to die and be born all over again.”, has a similar perspective shared; the sense of understanding one person’s life is not another’s, that damaging held views will inevitably be a roadblock to ascension of the self, yet to understand the unity of all, even beyond the human focus.
Adding to the part of unique authentic message, going through hardship isn’t a guarantee to humble or to make people better either, for at any moment of both abundance and necessity, it is the soul’s values that point the better from the degrading, understanding the costs of standing up too for uncomfortable truths, in a civilization that seems to favor the vile over the virtuous.
Been caught on the wrong choices of others, or making the wrong decisions are not simple feats of the soul to face and fiercely overcome; otherwise, we’d be living and talking in a much better situation than what society is like right now.
The emotional system that is a part of the individual, also undeniably a force moving everyone in time, is also connected to the universe, which on its intangible profoundness, is summarized as a force that is alike to love, that gave the opportunity of society to exist, and it is the source of miracles that assists us on building for better (or worse when clinging to rotten views), tomorrow.
Think of disaster that isn’t man caused, and how strangers across the planet unite to help solve the damage. These instances are pushed by a unifying force that is part of human consciousness.
The mentally damaged individuals in the world with access and power (evil minds consumed in corroded beliefs), abuse the knowledge of people’s lives, and access to the fabric of society, to maintain and sow division and discord, cementing chaos and bringing upon the destruction of balance in society; as it is no secret, this is easily seen through corporate greed, dishonesty and dishonor in social systems, violence, terrorism, promotion of war and fear, etc.
Authenticity is part of what makes life more beautiful, acknowledging to a person the part they played on a moment of life, is part of been authentic and loyal to the self and building upon that feeling of satisfaction for others and to the self too.
Love is something that is the flame that kindles us alive. How and the types of experiences fueled in love are variant.
The best mix of feelings, having a satisfying physical experience on all the spectrums of life (provisions, health, knowledge access, freedoms, quality of life, etc.), and liking the self in peace, fulfillment, are on itself a part of the meaning of loving life.
Feeling complete in the untouchable aspects of been alive is what makes people cling to physical life; the lack of, deviate from that.
Some experience the pain of emptiness with feeling themselves unworthy, some with ignoring the state of their lives and or those around, some with harming others and so on.
Only in truth is someone able to shift their path from disastrous, to blissful.
Money, clout, verification marks, etc. are tools devoid of meaning, of knowledge, of purpose, of providing. That’s why too, the most heinous moments in the world are undeniably hailed by people with material goods in abundance, but lack of fulfilment in themselves, while their ego exclaims externally, otherwise.
You cannot have a terrorist attack without money and serious level of power and access these days, if you think about it.
In a system where you can be a non criminal person and still be profiled because of voyeuristic personalities with access to technology, but shootings, stabbings, bombs and more happen with no issue, far more frequently and spread all over, than before, even organized and openly pointed and mentioned online, it shows technocracy as a worthless method of protection in society; it even begets the eye opening question are these “security” methods been built by and for the mentally damaged? Something to think about as time shows the outcomes of ill informed choices.
Love as a word, as a symbol of sexual degradation, as a coercing force on others is abundant and quite easy to claim, display, use.
It is after all through deception that ill intention manifests. Evil minds are cowardly, and only when they feel in control of all would they dare to own openly to their truth, and as time passes, always lying to avoid accountability for their wrongs, of course.
True selfless love isn’t found easily, but through soulful intent on the face of challenging choices, and the values upheld against perturbed views.
Things like table manners, acceptable social language, what is seen as proper attire to inspire respect and a view of worthiness in plastic societies, are but cover ups favored by those who don’t want to be evaluated by the true value of their actions.
If burping, spitting on the street, using a word that is seen as a swear on some instances, gender and consensual sexual activity, putting on attire that isn’t of expensive labels, etc. makes a person less in shallow civilization standards, that leads to them been harshly treated and judged, why isn’t murder, rape, violence and the promotion of these a cause to frown upon by many who still hold their fame, political and corporate positions? Just because the CEO of a company has government contracts, fame, and billions of government funding, or their girlfriend a verification mark on social media, etc. these things should not exclude them from their socially damaging actions to been talked about openly, and held accountable, but in fact accountability matters more so, because of their influence in the development of society, the future, and the impressionable minds of some.
Love is transcendental.
It cannot be replicated, it cannot be bought or negotiated. It cannot be erased, it cannot be persuaded.
It is the driving force in our being.
When people are easily coerced and swindled to the wrong choices, they are driven in their ignorance, fears and emptiness.
Love is plentiful, and looks for the best of outcomes, knowing often it is the harshest of roads to walk if to be true to integrity.
Excess, obsession, lust aren’t the same as love, although they are strong like the forces of love to the weaker mind.
While love is full, and is not distracted by the sights around, it is also knowledgeable and thoughtful. Love believes and seeks to be free, not in the sense of promiscuity, but of feeling complete, not by force.
Flow.
Even outside feeling romantically attached to another, the pursue of a better self says a person should strive for their highest of actions towards themselves and others, that each interaction leaves a positive imprint in the exchange with others; not at the cost of feeling or been lesser, but of been our best versions, and breaking stereotypes and the chains others in their low, egocentric minds try to impose on us.
True love of self isn’t selfish, but selfless.
Been selfless isn’t enabling, but thinking beyond our preferred circle of love.
True balance and awareness isn’t having a lot of material goods, and espionage /coercion of others, but understanding the self, and been able to stand up to uphold the best, regardless of the uncomfortable, knowing the price of been true isn’t always meritful in a corrupt world that masks its deceptions, over admitting wrong, and accepting the path of betterment.
Shame.
As in the expression, as in the fact.
If kids are expected to mature and be better over the passage of time, what needs to happen for humanity to be better adults? For maturity to mean accountability versus just growing up; becoming elderly.
The end or the start of better is tied to the selections made. Poor choices or sensible actions, are always at the reach of the soul.
What is valuable and matters, how a message of true and the purity of its mastery is perceived externally, are the problem of the mind placing judgement.
Calculating and planning deception onto others, assuming the self more powerful because of the lack of accountability and understanding for ignorant choices, been drunk in power, does not mean that justice won’t catch up eventually.
Balance is the absolute of the universe of all to be, or everything ceases to exist by its own self destructive nature; balanced.
It is our focus that steers us, even on the undeniably worst moments of our lives.
How we nurture ourselves and the world we build is part of this universal meaning too.
I cannot avoid what has happened, or undo it, all I have is who I am, not to fulfill boxes on what is externally acceptable, but as the person that outside expectation I am meant to be by blueprint. The concept of rebirth isn’t about undoing the passed, but overcoming the worst lived. This has always been the main point behind the message of rebirth, to learn and master from what is.
Continuing to give myself to creations of evil minds, is then only a waste of the true beauty by design and survival, I have build, and my presence and time too are part of this equation of life.
Weather it is on hostile verbatim, aggressive action, or pretending to not understand that friendliness and softness are external personas that do not define or show the intentions of everyone necessarily, keeping myself invested in a back and forth is staying in toxic circles that only I hold the key to move from.
While the human flesh is as mortal as it gets, selfless love is never ending.
It’s true, I cannot see Tim, I cannot hold or talk to his body, but our souls always are connected by been a part of something beyond the flesh.
At every moment that I am plagued by the hurt of underserved pain, the beauty of love as a miracle manifests; a voice from beyond pointing that our kindled flame is timeless.
?
~Angel Pendragon~
?
.。・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜・。..☆・゜・。..。・゜・。..。・゜゜・。.